Don’t call me a feminist

Borrowed from Google Search 🙂

WikipediaFeminism is a range of political movements, ideologies, and social movements that share a common goal: to define, establish, and achieve equal political, economic, personal, and social rights for women. This includes seeking to establish equal opportunities for women in education and employment.

Preface: I realize I’m grouping everyone in extreme feminism here, and that there are plenty of rational, moderate feminists. I myself am neither. My mother-in-law and I have different definitions of feminism. She thinks I’m a shining example because I’m a successful professional. I think that makes me a hard worker.  She thinks it makes me a feminist. After many heated arguments with my in-laws, I am happy to say that we agreed to disagree.


Feminists of the past (like my mother-in-law) were proud to be called feminists. They fought in many parts of life for the equality that I now take for granted. I fully realize and admit this. I fight like hell to not be called a Feminist; to me it’s a dirty word. In fact, I don’t want any of your labels. Call me a wife, a dog lover, a workaholic. But don’t group me into a class of people with a political agenda.

The problem is that feminism has turned into entitlement, with feminists screaming that equal and fair are the same thing. Feminists of the past wanted to be given an equal opportunity to earn something, get a certain job, to vote. In main stream media though, feminism today reflects an ideology that for every time a man gets something, a female should get a corresponding something.

In elite hockey, we are fortunate to be allowed to provide kids with FAIR ice time. In community hockey, the expectation is EQUAL ice time. Many people use these words interchangeably. That couldn’t be farther from the truth. Equal ice time means every kid gets the same number of minutes. Fair ice time means that if you work harder you get more ice time. If you improve you get more ice time. If you have a crappy game, you get less ice time, even if you’re a star player. Every day and every shift you have a chance to be rewarded with ice time based on what you earn. Many coaches mishandle this important responsibility, but I think we handled it quite well in our coaching days.

Recently in Canada, our new Prime Minister appointed a “Gender Equal” Cabinet. Don’t even get me started on Gender.  [Ok, do.  Gender is a social construct.  It’s thought to be part nature, part nurture.  When you have an ultrasound, the lab tech should never say “do you want to know your baby’s gender.” Unborn babies don’t have genders. SEX on the other hand, is a biological property related to DNA that defines male vs. female genetics and cannot be changed regardless of surgery or gender identification. Biological sex is defined at conception, and is permanent. Please stop using these interchangeably!] 

Feminists all over Canada cheered loudly and praised the Prime Minister for his forward thinking approach. Here’s the thing… he made it equal, but how was that fair?  There may have been more qualified men for each one of those positions held by a women.  Maybe not, but there could have been.  Because he was looking for an equal split of men and women though, only women were considered for those roles.  What that really means is that for those roles, MEN were treated unfairly. Men were not given equal opportunity to earn those positions. That’s not equality for men. So in this case, has feminism really worked? Or has it just created an inequality in the other direction?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for fairness.  When someone applies for a job, their sex, gender, race, marital status etc. should be a non-issue.  A complete NON-ISSUE.  But when you start offering jobs to minorities, no matter what minority that is, you have disqualified equally or better qualified candidates simply because they are not the minority you’re looking for.  In the case of “equal opportunity” hiring where an employer is looking to fill a role with a women, isn’t that sexist towards men?  If you were looking to fill a role with a man and didn’t consider women you’d be crucified for sexism.

That’s my problem with feminism.  Everyone’s all cool with equal, as long as women are getting jobs they didn’t used to get, regardless of if they are the most qualified candidate.  I’m not saying the females Trudeau chose aren’t qualified. I don’t know near enough about them to even have an opinion. I’m simply pointing out that equal doesn’t mean fair.

My husband was telling me about Toronto Blue Jays manager John Gibbons and the pile of shit he stepped in the other day.  He came under fire recently for making what many people are calling an overly-sexist remark. After losing a game over a controversial call, he chimed in with “Maybe we’ll come out and wear dresses tomorrow. Maybe that’s what everybody’s looking for.”  HOLY SHIT.  HOW DARE HE.

Feminists screamed in unison over the systematic sexism in major league sports that is allowed to propagate to the next generation because of the positions of influence these role model athletes have over our children.

Hold on a second here.

First, it’s your job as a parent to teach values to your kids. If you’re waiting for famous figures to do it, you are failing parent-school, and your kids are gonna be messed up.  Case in point: Patrick Kane, Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus, Jose Reyes.

Second, get a life.

It’s OK to get offended. To fight for your position, and agree to disagree. To have heated debates. To hear all sides of an argument. There’s nothing wrong with that. Quite the opposite. It’s important to hear everything so you can decide what you believe. Get angry, get heated, get passionate about your point. Instead we’ve created safe zones and we reprimand anyone who speaks anything that could potential offend anyone. Which basically means that we allow free speech, except we don’t. We ban speakers from college campuses because a subset of people doesn’t like their message. Who cares about the larger group of people who want to hear the message and think for themselves?

The metaphoric “whole” is suffering because of a few. If you don’t like it, don’t listen. Walk away. Debate it. But don’t insist others can’t talk about it because you don’t like it. You can’t fix a problem by slapping a flag or hashtag on it.

Rape Culture, Abortion, LGBT, Black Lives Matter, White Privilege, Mansplaining.

Speak out against any of these (and many, many others) and you are a monster.  But what if you want to have a legitimate discussion?  What if you aren’t being an insensitive prick, but instead you believe, like I do, that solutions only come from facing a problem head on. I digress.

John Gibbons. He was called a monster for being insensitive towards females. Who has time to get worked up that he used “wear dresses” to mean “being wimps”? I don’t.  I’m too busy working my butt off for success. He probably has a wife and a daughter, nieces, a mother… None of them are likely offended by this. I mean honestly, who cares?  We’ve gotten so oversensitive about irrelevant things. When my husband whines, I think it’s totally OK to say “did you need to get tissues from your purse for your tears?” In fact, I might use that line tonight. I’ll even lend him one of my Michael Kors for the occasion.

There will always be opportunities that are filled predominantly by men, but there are also those filled predominantly by women. If you don’t like it, change it. Take action.

Don’t call me a feminist. You minimize how hard I work every day by indirectly suggesting I got special treatment for being a woman.

If I want something, I’m welcome to work my ass off and go take it. If I hit a wall, I can walk around or jump over it. If the wall is too long and too high, I can grab a sledge hammer and bust the mother f*cker down. If I want something enough, I can earn it. Not because I’m a woman. Because I’m good. Because I’m amazing.

People tell me I have no idea because I’m white, upper middle class, in my 30’s, financially stable, married, otherwise pretty fortunate. White Privilege. Even if it’s not related to race! I can’t even have a discussion with those people, because anything I say comes from a place of my privilege.

It’s time to quit blaming everyone else for your lack of success and advancement. For the injustice you feel. Get out of bed, work your ass off, and don’t take no for an answer. Find solutions. Just don’t look for a break or exception because you’re a woman (minority, other). You – as a person – have to earn what you want.  And sometimes, when asking doesn’t work, you have to go take it.

When you are legitimately treated unfairly (and I don’t just mean that your feelings got hurt) I’ll lend you my sledge hammer to f*ck your wall up. (Disclaimer: unlike Donald Trump, I am not promoting violence with this statement. I do not endorse violence.)



5 thoughts on “Don’t call me a feminist

  1. LOVE this. Have had so many conversations with people about how hiring women to be firefighters just because they’re women means that they’re going to need two of them to lug my arse down the stairs. Unless they can perform the same exact job requirements as men, they shouldn’t be doing it. Just like how a man shouldn’t be doing my typist job unless he can type 100wpm. No one should be handed a job just to be “equal” when it’s not fair, and productivity or safety suffers.

  2. i think you may have grouped feminism into a small sector. Of course, there are feminists like above that (in my opinion as well) go too far. What about fighting for the rights of equality and opportunity where girls aren’t even offered education because of their gender? Or who are abandoned and sole orphaned because they are female ( like my beautiful sister who was adopted from China) because of the bias of gender hierarchy in a culture? Check out what I just wrote about it. And Emma Watson’s U.N. speech on it.

    1. Thanks for your comment. I agree, I’m absolutely talking about a subsection of people who call themselves feminists. And I’m speaking specifically about North American or western culture. You are correct about how different things are in other cultures and around the world where there still need to be many improvements for women to have equal opportunities (or even the most basic opportunities like elementary education). I’m specifically referencing the victim mentality we have in western culture and that version of feminism. I will take a look at your post (I have read Emma Watson’s position before).

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